Cognition-enhancing drugs common among academics

Not hardly.

"A survey of individuals who read the journal Nature, a technical bioscience publication, reveals that roughly one in five use prescription drugs to improve their focus, concentration, or memory."

Given the level of research we see here in the fitness domain, it is way more likely that we are dealing with academics on mind-altering drugs.

They must be lying.

Just like they do in their research.