People Get Drunk Faster After Bariatric Surgery, New Study

I cannot vouch for the quality of this study. But if true, there is a ray of light here.

Bariatric surgery is almost never indicated. It is almost never performed after a patient has had a real opportunity to lose weight by dieting.

This is supposed to be a prerequisite, but as all expert diets are impossible, no one gets a true chance to avoid the knife.

Still, this newly realized benefit of fat-person surgery should not go unappreciated.

Let's face it. Fat people are at a social disadvantage. Besides the matter of attraction, there is the economic issue.

If you see one and think about buying them dinner, for example, you might be inclined to wonder how much more it will cost you to feed him/her than it would if you socialized with a not-fat person.

Restaurant costs can add up quickly.

You might even go through the cost-benefit analysis to determine what your return on investment will be.

If you are inclined to have sex with an uber-person, then this effect of bariatric surgery is what you have been waiting for. By the same token, if you are uber-person and in need of social interaction, you are similarly in luck.

Bariatric surgery has come to your rescue.

These victims of largely unindicated surgical violence are now big, fat and CHEAP-er dates.

For a relatively minimal investment in alcohol, your chances of having relations with a Michelin person have apparently improved.

To further this benefit of medical malpractice, assault and battery (since bariatric surgery is almost never indicated), a next step might be research into how to make bariatric surgery decrease the visual acuity and self-esteem of the other, i.e., non-surgerized, person.

NIH, which has shown a willingness to fund research into child mutilation, should be a ready source.

There is also a business opportunity here for an enterprising entrepreneur who fixes up bariatrically surgerized individuals with other victims, making the cheaper date a greater likelihood.